Just to Be

I have so many thoughts floating around my head lately, and I always feel like I need to get them down somewhere.

This weekend I pet/housesat for my teaching partner Jon so he could spend a weekend in the mountains with his wife. I did enjoy having a dog for a few days, and everything went well apart from cleaning up her poop and puke! It was nice to be in a house and have some time to play "catch-up" on school things. I'm also glad to say that I was able to break away for a long lunch with Jen on Saturday. She is the only other "young" person left on staff from last year, and is someone I can be completely honest with about my joys and struggles toward the school part of my life, as well as what I feel are my callings are elsewhere.

This weekend was a weekend of focus for me.

Sometimes it can be so impossible to be focused...

I read a good chunk of the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend yesterday. When I first saw it sitting above the fireplace at Jon's house, I just had to laugh. It was one of those "Ok, God..." moments because a friend of mine has been telling me to read it. I just have never found the time to. The book made me think about how I am a product of the family I grew up in (we all are!). It helped me to realize why I feel the way I do about many of the relationships I have in my life, why I still feel certain obligations that I really don't need to feel, and how I have a hard time saying "no".

I always feel like I should be doing more. Although I think it is healthy for me to add things into my schedule to create balance, I can't be all things to everyone. I am human! I think teachers feel this pressure in a similar way to those working in ministry. It's a thought that I know I'm going to come back to in future blogs.

I'm also reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren right now. My small group is reading it and although I wasn't real enthused about it at first (I've read it a couple of times before), I think it might help me wake up to the areas where I am not fulfilling God's purposes in my life.

I'm learning to live in the moment instead of in the past or in the future. Why can it be so hard to live in the present? I don't want to spend my days fretting about missed opportunities, or dreaming ahead too much about what I'd like to be doing a few years from now. Life isn't about the past or the future. I can't change the past and my future has yet to be written. Whether exciting or montonous, Life is now.

I drove down to Garden of the Gods last night rather spontaneously. It is one of my favorite places in Colorado. Yesterday was one of those times where I needed to be alone and retreat with God more than I needed to be with the body. It was so awesome to sit in His presence and just exist together. My life is always so filled with "stuff" that sometimes I need a reminder to be still and just BE WITH GOD. I need to confess that I haven't been so good about that lately. I have been active in the ministries I am a part of here, and I've read my Bible before drifting off to sleep, but I need to spend more time daily just BEING with Him!