Jobless Me

The end of the school year has arrived. Yesterday was my last day with my students. Jon and I made the class list for next year and then I went home and slept for awhile before meeting with my small group. It is weird to be packing up my classroom and saying goodbye to my "family" at breakfast (with the staff) this morning, wondering if I will be back here next fall. It makes the closure process difficult. I really just need a good weekend to allow the "strong" side of me to be "weak" and cry. Life has been on the go since Christmas, accomplishing the tasks before me, volunteering, spending time with friends, and filling out a few lengthy job applications.

There are a few things that I never want to forget about this week. One of those memories is a conversation I had with a mother of one of my students on Tuesday. The day we had our class party at the stables. Jeremiah's mom (mother of one of those students you would love to have every year...not because they are the most behaved, but because they are the most fun) wanted to tell me that she was praying for me and remind me that God would be faithful. God has sent me a number of these messengers in the past few weeks. She told me of a time in her life when she had to live on little and that God provided for her in the same way that He will provide for me. Then she had to pause because she was tearing up and through her tears she told me just how much her son loves me, how he doesn't just love and connect with anyone, that I have a gift, and that when I have a gift I have to use it.

Although Denver Christian has forced me to go through some of the toughest crap in my life, I have learned so much and grown so much here. Most importantly, I have been a messenger and teacher of the word...and you know what, I LOVE teaching. I would not be a teacher, would not have the desire to continue teaching, if not for the time I have had to minister through teaching at DC. God WILL provide for me. There will be tough times ahead. Tough times that include going home in just a few minutes to "crash" and pray and read and sleep. I cannot focus on packing up my classroom because I have so much baggage to unload. Stuff that I have been too busy to deal with before. Stuff that I need to keep surrendering to God and keep laying at His feet...not witholding anything back. This is hard for me.

Do you know what the scariest thing of all is? I believe that God uses trials as stepping stones to help us learn to cope and deal with future trials. It makes me wonder what kind of situations I will encounter in this lifetime.

Things need to be put back into perspective. I need to remember a time in Juarez last summer, or in the Dominican a few years ago, or in Jackson an even longer time ago...where I saw the blessing of having little. The joy in having little and no one to rely on but God.

I am jobless. God is going to provide. I already miss my students. The tears of a half dozen mothers as they said goodbye to me yesterday ring in my mind. That speaks volumes for what God has been able to do with me this past year. I love building relationships with my students and helping them see TRUTH in a way that not all elementary kids are encouraged to.

He will provide. God has a plan. This is my testimony today and forevermore.

I'm going home to rest. My classroom can wait to be packed up, but I cannot wait to spend time with God. Maybe I'll even take a drive to the mountains. I need the rest that only HE CAN GIVE.