Wanting to Want

It is good to be sitting in bed at 10:16 on a Monday morning. I hope this day goes slowly. So far today I paid most of my bills for the month and am getting a huge pile of laundry done. I finished dog-sitting yesterday afternoon so it is nice to be back in my apartment after being gone for ten days too.

Next weekend is Young Life leadership camp. I am really looking forward to getting away and to hopefully be inspired to get another year of ministry rolling. Club was small again last week so we went out for ice cream at Cold Stone. I didn't mind. I love hanging out with kids in smaller groups, but it is discouraging to know that I should be getting to the high school to do contact work but cannot. I think I am underestimating what God could do if I would just ask. I also need to find more creative ways to reach kids. Perhaps what excites me about my new job is that I will have a couple more hours free to do ministry. On the other hand, the new job is not challenging me, which can be frustrating. I am now finished with assessment and hope to start doing some reading groups with the emerging readers tomorrow. I can't wait to teach again!

On another note, I have decided not to get that second job just yet. One night last week I sat down and made a list of all of things I have been meaning to do but hadn't, including a list of friendships I need to rekindle, and things I just didn't have time for last year. When I was finished my list was over 150 items long! God is giving me this year to encourage me to be more humble. He is also giving me this year to sort out my future and what is next for me...I still don't know having been out of college for more than two years...wasn't I supposed to be on some sort of track by now?? He is giving me this year to catch up. But He is also giving me this year to rest in Him. There has been some distance between me and God lately. I'm not quite understanding what He is doing and I'm frustrated. I want to want Him again. I want to want to pray on a more regular basis. I want to want to know Him more. I have gotten in the way. I pray that I want to want God. He can't work in my life if I don't let Him. I think I would be blown away by the things I have been keeping Him from allowing me to do.