LITTLE THINGS = BIG THINGS IN GOD'S KINGDOM

Shall I say, 2:50 bell? My brain is fried and I can't do any work right now!!!

Actually, my students are great...so much quieter than last year, but last year's class was an exception in itself. I had all of the 4th grade support service kids. I had all of the talkers. I also had a unique student by the name of Matt.

Of all of the students I will ever have, Matt will always stick out as one of my favorites and one of the most challenging. He made last year difficult, however. I've never met a kid with so much energy and excitement for life and so little self-control; it was contagious. It is still contagious. There aren't too many 5th grade boys who daily give hugs to their old teachers. If I had written down every challenging/sweet/frustrating/cute thing that came my way because of that one boy, I'd be a millionaire. I will never forget the randomness that boy could bring. Maybe that is why we got along so well. :)

I sit here and remember the day Matt came to school after a dream he had the night before. He came up to me real quietlike and told me that he had to tell me something (Matt is never quiet!). He said, "Ms. Bolkema...can I tell you something?" So I said, "Of course you can. You can tell me anything, Matt. You can always tell me anything." He went on to tell me of a vision he had the night before where God spoke to him. He said that everything was white and that there were angels. God told him that he could do anything he wanted to and be anything he wanted to be.

Matt asked me what I thought his dream meant. I told him that it meant that God loved him so much and that he had great things ahead for him. I told him to make dreams and follow them and that God would bless him if he did his best. Then Matt said, "I'm so glad that I go to a Christian school where I can tell you everything." That was when I got the chills, straight to the bone.

That is why I'm still a teacher. That is why I teach a Christian school. I may get attacked here for things that are beyond my control. But that doesn't change the fact that these kids need Christ and not all of them get that at home. If I can be for more of my students what I was for Matt, I know my purpose here.

God has awesome things ahead for Matt. I've never met a more disorganized person. I've never known a kid who brings moon-shoes to school, or makes me wear a monkey hat at recess, or manages to melt cough drops on the door handle. I've never had a student more set on finding me a boyfriend, or getting me to take him to Iowa, or bringing him to six flags. I've never known a kid who was so sorry for his ADHD and wanted to change but couldn't. And I've seen few kids care about others as much as Matt did and still be misunderstood in the process. God has awesome things ahead for that child! I hope I encouraged him to be bold about his faith and use that expressiveness of his to show others the way.

Even the "troubled" kids have a lot to teach you about life. Personally, they are the ones I end up loving the most. I know that they are the ones I miss the most this year. As the year progresses, I know I'll see through a few more of my students. I can't wait to know them as well as I knew my last class.

As I end this day of school and start digging through my pile of planning, preparation, and grading, may I remember who this is for. And may I enjoy the simple pleasure of eating an almond pastry from Casey's bakery in Sioux Center, Iowa (isn't my principal the best?). I think I might cry!

ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH

I climbed my first 14er yesterday!!! Finally, I am making time for all of the reasons I wanted to live here for so long. There were six of us that went camping Friday night...including two people who went to Calvin, one of them from Pella, Iowa....small world, huh?

Camping was fun, but cold. Below freezing actually. (Note to self: buy new sleeping bag before next camping adventure.) I think I slept about an hour and a half before waking up at 5am on Saturday morning to drive over to Mt. Bierstadt. Our climb began around 6:30 in the morning and it took us three and a half hours to ascend the mountain.

I think I learned a little about myself during the experience. Mainly that I can actually climb a 14er, that it takes a lot of determination to do so (which I didn't realize I had), and that you can be a teacher and still make time to have fun (I was beginning to wonder).

That is my biggest struggle here. I tried for a good year to be the "perfect teacher". Not because I think I need to be perfect, or even because I want to be perfect; but because teaching at a private school in Highlands Ranch creates a pressure to be perfect. A pressure that I could never live up to.

I had the most amazing summer. No, I wasn't at camp....but do you know what??? Summer can actually be great without camp! I was able to go whitewater rafting for the first time, spend time in the mountains, go to a Rockies game, go home to Iowa for five weeks and spend time with my family, see numerous good friends, spend a few days in Chicago and Michigan, earn a little money doing something that requires little brainwork, go to Mexico on a missions project, and go camping. (Was that the longest sentence ever, or what?) But do you know what the best part of my summer was???

Realizing that I can't be perfect!

Yes, we all need to do our best in everything we do. But, I will never be perfect no matter how hard I try, no matter how many hours I spend working, or how much the parents of my students want me to be.

All God requires of me is that I give him my best...and he wants me to have fun in the process. So...

Here's a little confession: I didn't take care of myself last year. At all.

I neglected the people God placed in my life here, failed to see some great opportunities, didn't take care of myself, and worst of all didn't go for my walks/jogs that I used to live for (great thinking/talking to and struggling with God time :) ) I was so bogged down by the crap in my life, that I forgot to do the one thing God wants me to do: LIVE!!!

The test of this next year...grasping those opportunities. I have made more time for friends here in the past three weeks than I did all year last year. I am praying that God will lead me to the right opportunities. I have gone for longer walks. I've cleaned my apartment (and even went shopping). Life has been grand; and yes, I am on a high.

Determination...I had it on the way to the mountain top. And do you know what? The view from the top was the most beautiful. I can't live my life at the bottom of the hill anymore. Life there is safe and comfortable there. It may be alright, but you can miss out on all of the good stuff if you don't give it your all.

There is more to me that the youth pastor I am disguised as a teacher. God doesn't create people for just one purpose...he creates them for a wealth of purposes. What purposes am I not determined enough at striving my best to fulfill?

IF YOU GIVE, YOU BEGIN TO LIVE

Well...my classroom walls are starting to look brighter, my supplies for the year have arrived, and we are just a few days away from a new school year. Tuesday will be here quickly.

Having a summer to relax and reflect was just what I needed. Most recently I realized that I have been distant with people here...I had no idea until just a few days ago. I wouldn't allow myself to let people into my heart last year, because so much was on the rocks for so long. I thought my position would be cut, was told it would be cut, and it wasn't. I almost walked away...I think I made the right choice by staying. Every day I fall more and more in love with this place. Today I wonder if I will ever leave. Sometimes, though, I still ask myself where life would have taken me if I had left. By staying, have I permanently given up a few of my dreams? Do I really want to know?

I'm not your distant type of person; but I've kept some of the people who care about me here at a distance these past six months. People that I shouldn't keep myself from. But maybe guarding your heart has more to do than the opposite sex and love and relationships. If I would have let people in, and then left just a couple of months later, I don't know how I would have handled it. It may have crushed me. If only I could be a shallow person! Life would be easier...but then I wouldn't have so many amazing people walking beside me in life...no matter how near or far away they are.

DON'T DRINK THE WATER IN MEXICO

I returned from Mexico late Saturday evening with my church group. The trip was two days of driving and two days of work. It was warm, but our team was awesome. There were sixteen of us ranging in age from 23-35. We went down to build two houses for needy families, but God provided us with the energy to build three. I am still processing everything I saw there. It can be so easy to be an American. I felt like a spoiled, rich brat on most of the trip. It made me realize that God has blessed me so much. I didn't deserve to be born in America when 75% of the world lives in similar conditions to what I saw there. I never have to worry about having enough food to eat, or enough clothes to wear, or simply being able to see another day. Yet sometimes I am so ungrateful and take everything for granted. It was a blessing to interact with people who depended on God for EVERYTHING. I've learned a little bit about what that is about this past year, but God still has some rearranging to do in my heart and life.

It is hard to be at my desk at school. I have had two months to relax and recupperate from last year...and I am still so tired and weary. I have a huge task ahead of me (and I don't just mean making bulletin boards and arranging desks). I know why I am here now, but the battle can be so intense. Will I have enough to give?

Marty told me the other day that I have the gift of encouragement. That was an eye-opening remark. Could this be a gift that I possess without realizing it? And, if so, am I using that gift in a way that I should? There's a little food for thought.