Lost in a Sea of Familiarity

I miss Iowa when life was in Iowa.

I'm at Dordt right now. No surprise to most anyone. I come back here at least once each time I am home. Today I came to get some transcripts. Now I am at the library checking my email and maybe getting that resume together. (I had technical difficulties a few days ago.) I also need to spend some time reviewing Kindergarten curriculum at the LRC. Yes, I am applying for a Kindergarten job. A stretch, to say the least.

Last year I spent my entire Spring Break at Dordt. Hung out at the coffee shop a lot and just walking around I managed to run into many old friends. This year, I feel alone being here. I only recognize a few faces. It is almost like I am a ghost in what used to be a sea of familiarity.

I discover something new about myself each time I come home to Iowa. What I am discovering today is hard to swallow. Iowa will never feel quite like home again. It is as though I left not two years ago, but six.

Life

Spring Break is here!!!!

Right now I'm supposed to be working on updating my resume, but that isn't really a lot of fun, so I thought I'd waste some time doing this. Not that blogging is altogether a waste, but I could probably be doing much more productive things with my time.

Valerie and Nate are here!!! Valerie is one of my dearest friends from high school and college. They arrived late Saturday night and it has been an absolute blast to have them here. The four of us (including David) talked for awhile and then went to the house that one of my roommates is house-sitting and watched a movie. On Sunday I took Valerie and Nate to Red Rocks. We walked around and Nate got to see the stage that Dave Matthews has performed on numerous times, so that was fun for him. Then I took them to church at night and they met a few of my friends before we went back to my apartment and my boyfriend joined us. On Monday Nate went snowboarding and Valerie and I had the day to sleep in, go out for brunch, make brownies, and watch a movie. Last night we went to Dave & Busters, a video arcade, for dinner and games. Tonight we are going out for some Colorado pizza and I'm not sure what the next two days hold, but I'm sure they will be a lot of fun. It is so awesome to see my old friends in my new world. Makes me miss the old...reliving Dordt memories...seeing how much I have learned and grown and that is exciting.

Having my friends here and good friends in Denver, roommates, and boyfriend at my side is a reminder of God's faithfulness to me. He has lifted me up from the depths, and although I know that there are going to be some very difficult days ahead, GOD HAS A PLAN FOR THIS. Even through the things that I do not understand. God has a plan and that plan is good because He loves me. My heart is not falling out in quite the same way that it was last week. God is using this week to refresh me. I'm sure he also has things to reveal to me this weekend in Iowa. I cannot wait to spend time with my family and get away from the craziness of the city.

GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS, OH GOD!

My Heart is Falling Out

My position was officially cut. We didn't get more kids.

Petition: Pray that I keep giving myself to my students and that I am able to be focused until break on Friday. I know God is in control. He has already given me more of His peace than I thought possible. But that doesn't mean that this experience is going to be an easy one.

Praise: I had nine p/t conferences last night and all of them went well. I have such an awesome, supportive group of parents this year. Praise God! Five more to go.

The Weekend

Friday night was spent chaparoning DC's middle school dance. Actually I think we called it a "social movement mixer," but nevertheless the idea was the same. It is always cool to hang out with the other teachers and David came too so he got to meet some of my work friends.

On Saturday I slept in because I have been sick again (I'm still too stubborn to learn that I need to go to bed before midnight). I went to school in the afternoon for a few hours and got a few things done. Then I met up with some people at Dave and Busters for video games and food at night. Also a really great time. It was great to have some quality friends time and to get to know some different people better too.

My roommates and I declared Sunday a "day of relaxation" and got some coffee at Starbucks. I spent a lot of the afternoon reading which is something I don't do often this time of year. Church was good last night. Great talk about India and the Dalit Freedom Network there. Cool organization. I think some seeds were planted for me to go there one day. Fascinating stuff. After church our pastor literally kicked us out the door because a blizzard was on the way. David came over to pick up the ice scraper that I had borrowed from him and ended up staying and talking with my roommates, which means that I went to bed late again but it was worth the lack of sleep.

Right now I am back at school after going home for a few hours to take a nap, getting ready for parent-teacher conferences tomorrow. I suddenly have 14 conferences instead of 7. I guess some parents like to sign up late. Oh well. Ta ta and take care!

Love, Julie

My Head Hurts...

from attempting to do too much thinking in one week.

I've decided not to give up on DC without a fight. I looked for jobs on the CSI website yesterday and did some research on Christian schools in Denver. There were only one or two jobs that seemed appealing and one of the jobs I've been tempted to look into out-of-state is no longer posted. So, I guess God has already closed that door.

We had a teary-eyed staff meeting yesterday. Lots of good things discussed. Ways to promote the school, bring in kids, and bring in money. I'm completely frustrated with the school board. Just as frustrated as I was last year. But then I remind myself that I love absolutely everything else about this school. Right now, I'd even take a pay cut to stay here. Maybe I'm too loyal.

Yesterday I went home from school emotionally drained. Today I am feeling much the same way. Add report cards to the mix and I'm ready to check out for a week. But spring break isn't for another week, so I just gotta keep hanging in there. I cried on the phone with my parents last night. Then I almost cried again when I talked to David after Young Life. And now, I just want to go home, forget school tomorrow, and sleep all weekend. But there is just too much to do for that.

P/T conferences are next week. Only seven of my parents signed up, so that lightens my load tremendously. Then Valerie and Nate are coming on Saturday and will be in Denver until Wednesday. And then I think I'm flying to Iowa for the rest of my break. I miss home lately. Just enough to see my family for a few days and come back, hopefully refreshed.

Gotta go...

Something Big

I went to a CD release party at one of the churches I go to in Denver last weekend. It is my "rock and roll" church. Really cool vision. Great music. The following are some words from John Waller's song "Something Big".

I wanna see something
I've not seen, something so big
I wanna be a part of something great
greater than me

It's time to dream big dreams
to see your vision become reality
cause it's for you
by you
and those who love you wanna do

Something so big it's destined to fail without you Lord
something so great, it takes a miracle to do
We, your children wanna do something big for you
we are gonna sing a brand new song
something so strong
we will be the sound that wakes the dawn
something so loud
it's time for breaking through
there are no limits
for he who holds the truth

When I was listening to this song and singing, I felt like I was back at Youth Specialites. The one time in my life where I felt ready to go anywhere, and be anything, and make any sacrifice for Christ, and have the faith to know that it would all work out.

I also sit reminded of an email that one of my friends sent me a week ago in response to my latest posts.

She said, "You keep saying how BIG your God is, and you are right and that is awesome; but...what if he is big enough to move you to do something totally different? You talk about moving to SF and staying in Denver in several different respects, but have you thought of anything else? Or, rather, has he told you anything else? I've been considering lately that sometimes our big God asks for little changes and sometimes he blows our minds. I hear you talk about what you could do. What can't you do? What would you never imagine? Pray about that too."

I did not apply to SF. I'm glad I didn't. But should I be so quick to settle in Denver? The only place I've ever really wanted to move to other than Denver is Michigan, so in some ways I am open to that. Or, maybe God is just asking me to be bold here in Denver and take a different direction. BUT what if God wants to rock my world? What if I've lost the faith I had a few years ago? What if I'm settling for muted love instead of a contagious, radical, forever-in-love-with-Christ, nothing-else-matters type of love?

I'm not going to be teaching 4th grade at DC next year. That sucks. But I can either sit here and mope, or see this as an opportunity to move on with joy and anticipation at whatever lies ahead.

I'm scared and excited.

Blessed Be the Name of the Lord! He WILL be FAITHFUL!

A Super*Star Teacher Appreciation Week!

It is teacher appreciation week and already I feel appreciated (and maybe a little spoiled too!). The whole school is decked up like we are at the academy awards. There is a red carpet outside my classroom door and a star-studded walk down the hallway. The lunchroom looks amazing and I get a whole hour away from the classroom for lunch tomorrow and special treats throughout the week.

I received my first trophy today. It was the "Shining Star" award. The moms on support staff really put on a show this morning. There was an awards ceremony with the kids present. My room mom wrote up this poem about me, which was really touching. I also got a book made up of writings from each of my students. Each student had to write three words that best describe me (ranging from happy, to encouraging, to Iowa, chocolate, coffee, and being radom among others). They also wrote a paragraph about what they like best about me and what makes me different from other teachers. It is something I'll keep forever and probably look at as an old, gray-haired lady at the end of my life, remembering these kids, wondering where they are at, hoping that I made a difference.

I want to remember this feeling...being affirmed and appreciated. So often teaching can be a thankless job. But it is something I love dearly. I never thought I'd be a teacher and I can't believe that I enjoy it this much!

The Past 24 Hours...

In the past twenty-four hours I have...

- Driven around my rental vehicle, a Jeep Grand Cherokee. I don't think I ever want my car back. :)

- Worked at school...teaching...entering grades...making lesson plans. The usual.

- Went to my monthly reading class at The Tattered Cover. I think I have discovered a new favorite bookstore. I could spend hours there.

- Talked to David on the phone for about an hour. Friday is one month!

- Watched the Bachelor, not once, but two times (sadly, I do watch this show). My girl even won, seemingly a true woman of character.

- Went to bed way too late, which is becoming normal. Tonight? Bedtime 11:00. Still not enough sleep, but better than I have been doing lately!