14 hours to Iowa and Counting!

"Have I told you that I'm going to Iowa this weekend?"

I asked my students that question EVERY day this week. I'm sorry. I'm just so excited! I can't wait to see my family and one of my best friends (who is virtually my only remaining good friend there).

Conferences went well...all except the last one. I hurt for one of the girls in my class. I hurt soooooo bad. But there's nothing I can do about it. Things at home are beyond my control.

My family may annoy me now and then. They may think I'm crazy for not living in Iowa. They may even smother me because I am loved so much. But they are wonderful, amazing, awesome people straight down to the core. I am soooooo blessed!

To Move or Not to Move?

That is the question!

The day after I got back from Mexico, I woke up and sat up in bed and said, "I'm think I'm supposed to move. I don't know where, or why, or when. But I know that I'm supposed to move." It wasn't me talking.

Anyway, I started looking for places in Centennial, much closer to most friends and 9 miles closer to work. It didn't take long for me to be reminded why I chose to live in Parker in the first place. It costs more to live anywhere else. So, I decided to stay.

I LOVE Parker! It suits me well. Country, yet city...one of those places that is very "in between". I love towns the size or Parker (about 50,000 or so). The biggest downside has been that I'm nearly thirty minutes from school, which was alright last year until gas prices went up and I started having a life. Now I simply cannot afford the rent. It's pretty much either have a life and find some roommates, or stop hanging out with all of these cool people that have become a part of my life.

I choose people! But that's what complicates things. Some of the people that are now a part of my life are the people I'm connected to through Young Life in Parker. I have a wonderful roommate situation lined up, with some girls that I know I'll get along with. The downside is that it's twenty minutes from Parker. (Wouldn't be a big deal if I were back in the middle of nowhere, but twenty minutes out here is different than twenty minutes back home. I don't mind driving, but it is definitely harder to have kids over to hang out.) The rent is hundreds of dollars less than I pay now. What a great deal! Except, I don't want to leave my YL kids. :( I don't want moving to get in the way of God's work. And I know that since I'm more of a country girl than a city girl, I relate to Parker kids better than some others out here.

So, right now the plan is to move Thanksgiving weekend. I'm happy and exicted, but really sad at the same time. This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I need to give my apartment my notice by Thursday before I go to IOWA! YEAH IOWA!!!!! Can't wait to see my family!!!!!

Yeah, so it's 9:00 and I'm at school again. I had YL right after school (campaigners and then leaders meeting) and then had to come back because I have PTC's tomorrow and still need to prepare. Another late night for me. No one showed up for campaigners though, so my wonderful new friend Jenn helped me grade papers for a couple of hours. Young Life people are awesome!

Is there any way that I can skip right over tomorrow and have it be Wednesday??? That way I can teach and go to YL and not have to deal with parents. I love parents. Most of the time. But the thing about parent-teacher conferences is that there are always surprises, no matter what you do. Can't help but be a little anxious about that.

Lingering Dreams

I've been at school most of the afternoon. Not my favorite place to be on a Saturday, but my evenings are so full lately that I don't really have a choice. I've been organizing, sorting, and dumping a HUGE stack of paper that I've been collecting since the beginning of the year. Now that the stack is gone, I feel organized. I love that feeling! Perhaps "cluttered" would be a better word. Nevertheless, I feel like I accomplished something this afternoon even if it was a menial task.

As I was sorting through my files I found one that said, "MY DEEPEST DREAM." A folder I had forgotten about. I was puzzled at the title until I looked inside and found "my plan." A plan I didn't follow through on. And on top of the papers, I found an email that I wrote to myself about six months ago, on May 6.

Here is a large chunk of it:

"I am in Iowa for a whirlwind trip and am trying to figure out my life. Could moving back be in the future? I taught yesterday (Thurs.) and drove home after that, arriving at three in the morning. At 9:00 I met with Dr. Vander Plaats to go over the requirements that I would need for a middle school endorsement. Then at 9:15 I met with Syd who slapped a wonderful youth ministry package on my lap...along with an opportunity to get my degree in a year! He's pulling strings, allowing me to substitute classes...I cannot believe it! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity...and I have many decisions to make.

There is this part of me that thinks I should stay in Denver. I love the city, the mountains, the variety of people and landscape. And I love Denver Christian. My life has been there for the past year. I don't like the thought of leaving...but there is the fact that my job is in jeopardy and that the school is only [thinking about] keeping my position because they want to keep me...

Now there is life in Iowa. I loathe the thought of coming back here. I could come back in like ten years or something, but I don't want living in Iowa to be in my immediate future...I have lots of prayers behind me, (people at DC, my family's, friends). Prayers that I will have clarity and make the right decision. Right now, I think I know what that decision is...

The only thing that scares me in life is the thought of living an ordinary and predictable life. That, I think, is why I left Iowa this year. If I don't go out on a limb and do crazy and weird things with my life, then who am I living for?

My faith has been tested in big ways these past few months. I can't believe I'm going to go back to Denver and turn in an unsigned contract. I can't believe all signs are pointing me back to Iowa and hopefully camp after that. This is crazy and makes no sense. Maybe that is why I'm starting to feel confident about it all. I have two more days to sort this out. God is with me. He has taught me to be strong this year. This is walking on water...."

Well, I did turn in an unsigned contract. Then two weeks later, I signed it. I changed my mind 400 times throughout one of the most tiring months of my life. And now, I sit at my desk amazed at how different life would be if I had gone back...I was so close! I forgot that until I read my letter to myself today. Wow!

My dreams haven't changed all that much. I still want to go back to school one day, maybe to teach upper level kids. More than that, I'd still love to get an educational/youth ministry degree. I crave more knowledge. But that doesn't mean that I'm not living out God's will for my life right now. I don't need to be the head leader standing in front of the youth group. I've never really needed that. I just need to be active in it. To get my hands dirty. To learn to love in new ways. I still think I'm going to end up back at school, probably not in Iowa...either here in Denver or in Michigan. And I'd still love more than anything to spend a year doing an internship at camp, hopefully Geneva, but anything is possible.

God is weird and we are tweaked. Maybe the best thing about last year is that I learned to give my plans to Him. Sometimes that is a really hard thing to do.

red hair and freckles

I was excited tonight to find that there is a Wendy's and a McDonalds three minutes from school. No more Burger King for me! My burger was good. Real good. Especially after eating only cheese crackers for lunch and having a piece of pumpkin bread this afternoon. Although, I will say that the girl on my cup that is staring at me all googly-eyed is quite frightening. After all, I am the only person at school right now, and it is strange to be here at such an odd hour. I'm afraid that she might jump off of my cup and attack me. Or worse yet, force me to continue working on my report cards! There is something terribly wrong with the fact that it is 9:15pm and I am still at school. Not surprising though. I am finally motivated. Better yet, I actually have a free night. This is a first ever (being at school this late, that is). Hopefully a last. But probably not because I am a procrastinator and a semi-perfectionist, which has never served as a good combination.

Lemonade and Puppy Chow

Grrrr...I'm so sick of being a teacher!!!

I HATE THIS TIME OF YEAR! Report cards are due on Friday and the following week are parent-teacher conferences. Double yikes! I've been trying to frantically grade papers as fast as I can this weekend. In fact, that is all I've done this weekend exept for paying my bills. And now I feel poor, and bored, and a whole lot of other things.

Oh, I am real happy about one thing, though. I fixed the defrost on my car yesterday after school...all by myself! I picked up the part and fixed it and now I'm ready for another wintery day! No dad, or Ryan, or Kyle to rescue me (sounds pretty pathetic, I know...but my boys are so sweet and awesome they've always taken care of my car troubles). After a really snowy Monday, I couldn't put it off any longer. I was sick of driving around with the windows open, gettin' all wet, and doing the head turn (look at road...turn head...breathe...look at road...turn head...breathe). I'm sure that it would have been really entertaining to see. But it is fixed now! Yay!

Enough grumbling...I must suck it up and do my work.

Exhaustion

I am exhausted. Really tired today. Big headache. But overall, still a good day.

SEW has continued to go well. I had an awesome conversation with my 4th graders yesterday about the truth, how God's word is the truth, but also how knowing truth is more than that. I told my students to go home and watch tv for at least fifteen minutes and write down the lies that they saw. I want my students to see that God's truth is the only absolute truth, and that sometimes we listen to lies without even realizing it. I'm sure a few of the parents are questioning the point of this assignment. However, I think the earlier kids learn to see the Bible as the glasses of truth, the better they can be a witness for Christ.

We also talked about being a tree and the fruit of the spirit that goes along with the breastplate of righteousness. I told them that we all have strengths and weaknesses when it comes to these fruits. I told them to think about their strengths and weaknesses and how they could grow and improve on them. Then they asked me what I thought their strengths and weaknesses were. That really put me on the spot. But they have something right that adults often fail to remember. And that is that we need to encourage the fruit that we see in others. Fruit produces character. Character produces love. And love is the fragrance that covers over all.

My student's diagnosis of the fruit in my life?

1. Strength : Joy!
2. Weakness: Self-control

They spoke the truth to me today as well. I do lack self-control in some areas of my life. I also told them that sometimes I lack love...how hard it is to love those who are our enemies, those who are indifferent to us. I was honest. But I'm not sure they understood. But then, I guess that doesn't really matter. God will use it in his timing.

I'm also lacking peace right now. Not the kind of peace that comes from God. He has revealed a lot to me lately. I mean the kind of peace that comes with knowing that I'll have the energy to make it through this month. My plate is so full. Full of things that I want to be doing. I'm just not used to having a month where all but 4 evenings are booked already at the beginning of the month. (This is the opposite of life last year.)

I pray for energy, for self-control, and for boundless love.

This may be my last blog for awhile. I decided that instead of blogging during the break I give myself each day after school, I need to get back in touch with my long-distance friends. I have so many relationships in my life that are worth maintaining. I just need to make a little more effort. Oddly, this is something I was good at last year. This year? Not so much. It just sucks sometimes to have so many people that I love in so many random corners of the Earth.

"The Dog Ate My Homework"

So the craziest thing happened today. One of my students came to school and said that her dog ate her homework. Funny thing is, the dog actually DID eat the homework. On my desk right now, I have a plastic ziplock bag with the contents of a ripped up story that my students have been working on writing.

Dogs actually do eat homework! Who knew!?!

Spiritual Emphasis Week

Well, it is Spritual Emphasis Week at DC!

Our school-wide theme this year is the "Armor of God" found in Ephesians 6:10-18. It has been really fun to plan chapels and share ideas with other classes and teachers. A few weeks ago my class did a chapel on the "breastplate of righteousness," which was a ton of fun to plan. The kids love being involved, and it gives me a chance to dig a little more in-depth into the word than I usually get to throughout the day. It can be a challenge to explain "righteousness" to 4th graders, let alone the Kindergartners who attend chapel with us. But it is a challenge that I enjoy, although sometimes I wish I were teaching olders kids so I could have more of those deeper conversations.

These are the moments I live for in teaching. I absolutely LOVED spending an hour and a half on Bible class this morning. We talked about the importance of writing the word of God in our hearts and how one of the best ways to do that is to memorize scripture. Then all my students wanted to share their favorite scripture passages. It was pretty cool to see the passages they came up with and why they like them. Memorizing scripture is something that I have been personally challenged to do more of lately. In a world that is often crazy and hectic, it is wonderful to have a passage to focus in on throughout the day.

My passage this week is James 4:13-17. Verse seventeen has a way of convicting me and humbling me every time I hear it. "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."